It’s your living space too, and you’re allowed to bring up any issues that you’re having with your shared home.
“When your boyfriend is over all the time, I feel like I can’t relax in my own space. ” “Having your boyfriend over 24/7 makes me feel like I’m living with 2 roommates instead of 1. ”
“It’s not that I don’t like Jeremy, because I do. But when I’m trying to get ready for work and he’s in the shower for 45 minutes, it makes me a little angry. ” “When we buy groceries, we only buy them for 2 people. When Henry is over all the time, we run out of food way faster, which isn’t fair to me. ”
“Could we limit how often your boyfriend stays the night? Maybe you could go to his place every other day instead of always being here. ” “If he’s going to eat our food, he needs to contribute to the grocery bill. I can’t afford to feed an extra person. ”
Make eye contact and nod along as your roommate talks so they know you’re listening. Try to practice reflective listening skills, where you repeat back what your roommate is saying to make sure you understand. [8] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
For instance, if your roommate wants their boyfriend over every day but you’d prefer twice a week, you could compromise and say he can come over every other day. If your roommate wants your boyfriend to have free rein of the house but you’d rather he not be in the common areas, you could make a schedule where he’s allowed to hang out in the living room a few times a week instead of every day.
Say something like, “I’m fine with him coming over, but I think he should start contributing to the bills. He uses the living space as much as we do, so he should probably pay a portion of the rent. ” You could also suggest that he contributes to bills, like household items or cleaning supplies.
For instance, the rule about significant others might be, “Can only spend the night on weekends. Cannot eat food from the shared pantry. ”
If things really blow up, you can always ask your landlord about the rules around guests in the lease. Many leases specify that guests (or people who aren’t on the lease) can only stay the night 2 to 3 times per week.
If you’re living in a dorm, you can request a room transfer via your RA.
